Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon Crystal – 12 Review
美少女戦士セーラームーンクリスタル
Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon Crystal

SPOILER Summary/Synopsis:

The Sailor Senshi appear defeated, but then make a comeback. However, it is short lived as Queen Beryl snares them in her hair. Sailor Venus summons the sword to cut the hair, but it is otherwise unable to harm Queen Beryl. Sailor Moon gets the sword and manages to get the sword powered up so that she’s able to break the necklace on Queen Beryl, thereby cutting off her power from Queen Metalia. Before she dies, Queen Beryl recalls her unrequited love of Endymion and how she thought that this time, she’d be able to finally be with him.

Endymion takes the sword as the Sailor Warriors, sans Sailor Moon, face the Four Kings. During their fight, the four teen girls force their adult former lovers to remember whom they really are before they are killed. Meanwhile, Sailor Moon is forced to battle her love, Endymion as Queen Metalia rises. Sailor Moon manages to get the sword away from him and takes it as the other girls race in. Sailor Moon slashes Endymion as the girls scream, then after kissing him, she falls on the sword to end her own life, thus completing her destiny.

Thoughts/Review:

If things got any more melodramatic here, I might have had to put on “something slightly more melodious, like the long, drawn-out death rattle of a man suffering from terminal flatulence.” (1)

First up on the melodramatic train of doom is Queen Beryl. Poor thing. She only wanted to have Endymion’s children, but that blonde bimbo from the moon got in the way. Well, I imagine that while Endymion (Chiba) was possessed, she got to have her way with him and for a moment, make herself believe that she finally got the man of her dreams and that he truly cared for her, even if it was all a lie due to him being possessed.

Second up on the melodramatic train of doom are the four Sailor Jailbaits (Venus, Mercury, Mars, and Venus) and their 80s-styled, long-haired, college age lovers from the past. I do remember back at age 14 how the girls in my class craved the college guys, so it is understandable that the girls here also crave those kinds of guys. Sadly for our girls here, their former boyfriends all went gay and had to be killed by Queen Metalia as a result to save them from the humiliation of it all.

Ah, but teen girls are resilient and easily recover from this betrayal, especially after their former boyfriends repent of their errant ways. Thus, our teen temptresses can set their sights on new college hotties; fat, middle age men need not apply unless they are Japanese and loaded with cash.

Finally, there’s Usagi and Chiba, otherwise known Serenity and Endymion. As we’ve already seen, a teenage Sailor Babe who gets rejected is not to be trifled with. She goes beyond yandere in that she doesn’t look scary nor psycho. Instead, she looks sad as she slaughters her lover for sleeping with the red haired skank ruler of the Dark Kingdom. After all, some STDs hang around like luggage. Then she falls on her own sword in that oh so tragic way because for her, there’s only one dude for her, even if he cheated on her.

And so it comes to an end…well, for now. I don’t remember what the original manga did, but Sailor Moon can’t die, so something will happen so that she’s back somehow. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see how that comes about.

(1) taken from Red Dwarf.