OVA Tenchi Finally Chooses Girl!

Tenchi in his battle garb.

TOKYO (AFN) In a surprise announcement, Tenchi Masaki (“Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-ohki” OVA) has let the world know which girl he chooses as his one and only – none other than Excel Excel from “Excel Saga”.

The decision is sure to cause massive shock waves in the anime community, not to mention the Masaki household. Tenchi currently lives with three beautiful Jurai princesses — Aeka, Sasami, and Noike. In addition there are three other highly attractive women living in his house — the beautiful space pirate Ryoko, the ever-young, most brilliant scientist in the universe Washu, and the Galaxy Police detective extraordinaire Mihoshi.

Everyone has long believed that someone in the Masaki household would be the one Tenchi would choose. The odds-on favorites had been Aeka and Ryoko with Ryoko having a slight edge. Apparently everyone was wrong.

“It wasn’t an easy choice”, said Tenchi as he stood next to an unusually calm and beaming Excel. “When I first met Excel, it was at an anime convention. She only had eyes for Ilpalazzo-sama and wouldn’t give me the time of day.”

However, all that changed when they again ran into each other at a corner market near Tenchi’s home. Excel had started working there part-time after the Will of the Cosmos negated all of Across’s work. For those who don’t know, Across was an organization bent on conquering the world and Excel was one of it’s chief operatives. Ilpalazzo was Excel’s boss in charge of carrying out Across’s plans in Japan.

“Usually Sasami-chan does all of the shopping”, Tenchi continued, “but this time I decided to go. Ryoko and Aeka were getting on my nerves something fierce and I had to get out of the house.  When I arrived at the store and saw Excel again, I knew it was destiny and that we were meant to be together.”

Excel Excel, happy to be chosen by
Tenchi.

Thus began the first of many such meetings between Tenchi and Excel which blossomed into what they describe as a beautiful romance. Tenchi would find excuses to go out and see Excel right under Ryoko’s and Aeka’s nose. This was usually done by either Tenchi setting them at one another’s throats or by Tenchi simply pointing somewhere and shouting, “What’s that?” Tenchi would then rapidly flee the scene and meet with the true love of his life.

Excel had not been looking for someone new in her life after her previous love shot her and left her for dead. While it took some convincing, Tenchi eventually won her heart and calmed her hummingbird-like hyperactivity.

“I’m so happy”, she said as stars twinkled in her eyes and large, soft-toned, pastel-colored bubbles appeared around her. “Tenchi-sama is so wonderful. Tenchi-sama is so kind and gentle. I love Tenchi-sama so much!”

The girls at the Misaki compound hear that Tenchi has chosen Excel.

For their part, Ryoko and Aeka are reportedly completely devastated by this stunning news which has shocked everyone at the Masaki compound. Neither girl was available for comment as of this writing. Aeka allegedly is sobbing uncontrollably on the ground and whispering “Tenchi-sama. Tenchi-sama” while Ryoko mournfully wails, “Teennchii! Why Tenchi?!”.

Sasami angrily beat a reporter with a broom when he tried to get a picture of the crushed duo. The reporter is currently recovering in a local hospital where he is expected to spend several weeks recovering.

When asked about his counter-part in the “Tenchi Universe” series making a different choice, OVA Tenchi simply shrugged and pulled Excel close to himself.

“I know the other Tenchi made his choice and I’m sure many thought I’d make the same choice. However, I’m not him. I’m the OVA Tenchi and I will go my own way and do my own thing! If people don’t like it, that’s tough. I’ve made my decision and I’m very happy with it.”

Unfortunately for Tenchi and Excel, their romance may not have a long life or a happy ending. Late word is that the Choushin (goddess) Tsunami is unhappy with Tenchi’s decision and may decide to interfere at Sasami’s request. As always, AFN will keep you posted.

Sometime after Tenchi Muyo! GXP came out, I had watched both it and the insane comedy anime series, Excel Saga.  Tenchi fans were eagerly awaiting the release of Tenchi Muyo! OVA 3 and while I was more interested in the bigger picture story of “who is Tenchi,” many fans were caught up in the notion (thanks in part to a poorly translated interview from AIC) that Tenchi was finally going to choose one of the babes in his harem.

Having participated in some of these debates, it occurred to me that it would be funny if Tenchi chose someone completely unexpected.  Further, what if this person Tenchi chose was just one of the most nuttiest female anime characters of the day — Excel from Excel Saga?  Thus, my creative juices began to flow and I quickly wrote this piece with the mindset that I would do a sequel someday.  I never did but I may become inspired again.  ^_~

Regardless, with the recent confirmation that FUNimation has license-rescued Excel Saga and the fact that FUNimation has all but cornered the Tenchi franchise in the U.S., I remembered this little piece and went to see if it were still online. Sadly, the site that once published it is no more but that’s why one archives things.

So, hopefully you enjoyed this old parody news piece I wrote several years ago.  ^_^