We have some spambots making pointless attempts to mail spam out from FUNi’s forum. I say pointless because they can only hit a very few people, thus defeating the purpose of a spambot which is to spam thousands. Still, the few people that received said e-mail reported it to me, so I am able to read the text. Being tired, it occurred to me that it might be funny to modify said spam mail into something more anime-related (I do things like this from time-to-time). I hate it when these scammers try to use God in their schemes.

Anyway, enjoy this parody piece. ^_^

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Dearest in the Lord,

My name is Mrs. Sheryl Ranka Nome. I am a dying woman who has decided to donate what I have to Prisons, Churches, Motherless Babies home, hospitals, Refugee camps, but mostly to anime and manga addicts. I am 63 years old. I am a deaf as a result of listening to anime and anime music way too loud. I am also suffering from a long time cancer of the breast which also affected my brain, hence why I am spamming an anime board to tell you about this. Everything bad happened to me about 9 years ago, immediately after the death of my husband (from anime and manga withdrawal after we were forced to leave our beloved Japan), who has left me everything he worked for including his secret H-doujinshi collection. This is not a Nigerian scam.

I have been touched by God to donate from what I have inherited from my late husband to you for the good work of God and the anime community at large, rather than allow my relatives to use my husband’s hard earned funds in an ungodly way, such as buying 4Kids DVD’s (H-doujinshi, manga, and games I don’t consider to be ungodly since they are 2D images and not real people). Please pray that the good Lord forgive me my sins, including the one where I use His name in vain as I spam your forum members in my quest. I have asked God to forgive me and I believe he has because He is a merciful God, but there’s always a chance that because I’ve never actually read a Bible, God may not forgive me. I spent all my reading time on manga and light novels and I’ve sadly neglected my Bible reading. Even now, I just can’t seem to be bothered to pick up my Bible because the latest chapter of Negima! is just now coming out. I need to read that chapter at least a dozen times in order to gleam any clues that Mr. Akumatsu may give us about where the story is going. Isn’t Negima! the greatest manga ever? This is not a Nigerian scam.

I’m sorry. I got sidetracked there because of my great love of Where was I? Oh yes, doing the Lord’s work. This is not a Nigerian scam.

I decided to Will/Donate the sum of £6,500,000 (Six million Five hundred thousand British Pounds sterling — I’m sorry I don’t know what that translates to in dollars or yen as I cannot keep up with the exchange rates but since I’m in Great Britain, you’ll have to deal with my currency) to you for the good work of the Lord. Also I want you to help those who cannot afford manga, who cannot afford anime, who cannot afford Japanese lessons in Japan, and those who cannot take lengthy vacations to Japan to soak in the wonders of anime, manga, eroge, doujinshi, and wonderful places in Japan like Akihabara (which is how I imagine heaven to be like, only better). Oh, and if you wish, take care of the motherless, less privileged, and widows too. This is not a Nigerian scam.

I cannot take any telephone calls right now due to the fact that i am deaf as stated above. Yeah, I know that with my riches, I can afford a cochlear implant like Rush Limbaugh and thus would be able to hear you fine, but I want you (and only you) to receive all my money to do the good work, so I’ll sacrifice my hearing for you. This is not a Nigerian scam.

The Lawyer (Mr. Ichigo Kurosaki) will arrange with The Bankers (a Mr. Tenchi Masaki and a Ms. Sakura Haruno) on how the funds will be transfer once I authorize Lawyer to do so and that would be when I hear from you. I make funny joke there since I can’t actually hear you, no? Or maybe my brain is more affected than I realized from my cancer. This is not a Nigerian scam.

I wish you all the best. May the good Lord bless you abundantly, with a hot, young Japanese girl or man to be your willing wife or husband. May He also bless you with all of the anime, manga, and other Japanese-related items you dream of having, especially the rare and hard to get items like the Negima! pactio cards. Please use the fund well and always extend the good work to others who are into the same things as you. This is not a Nigerian scam.

Your timely response will be awaited at Sheryl Ranka Nome@Not-A-Nigerian-Scam.com

God Bless You
Mrs. Sheryl Ranka Nome